If you haven’t already, start by reading Our Story
We determined early to focus on and keep a log of the miracles and blessings that surrounded us during our time of adversity. We found our tears would flow as often from being touched as they did from being hurt.
We don’t worry about if this is a long list or a short list. The point is: if we hadn’t kept a list, pain could easily have overshadowed the majority of these memories.
Preparation
- We had been uniquely prepared for this moment in a significant way. Phil was friends with Alicia’s older brother, and was present when he passed away from a drowning accident. At the time of that loss, we were the same ages as our oldest two children.
- Phil’s work began offering a generous Parental Leave benefit just a year earlier.
- The NICU at our hospital was only a Special Care Nursery (34+ weeks) until only a month before Hallie was born and they got the certifications to take 30-week babies. This meant our NICU was less than 15 minutes away, rather than 45 minutes to the next one.
May 22nd
- Phil received a spiritual confirmation of and comfort in God’s plan within only an hour of hearing the news. This is both an immediate miracle, and a result of being blessed with a heritage of faith passed down through generations.
- Our family was able to receive blessings of comfort and healing by the laying on of hands. We do not feel it appropriate to share details publicly, and it is sufficient here to acknowledge simply that it was a very special experience for us.
- We received an astounding, immediate outpouring of love and support. Our church leaders called, Alicia’s parents booked a flight, and our social media exploded.
- The Reagan Marie Teddy Bear Fund provided a bear for each sibling and parent to go home with. “no more empty arms”
- The H.E.A.R.T.strings organization provided a perinatal loss survival guide, with vast resources gathered over years of learning from the experiences of others.
- We benefitted from the Skye High Foundation. Two years earlier, Millie Smith gave birth to twins, and Skye lived only three hours. Weeks later, an overwhelmed mother of twins in the NICU turned to Millie and innocently commented that Millie was “so lucky” she didn’t have twins. Millie ran out of the room in tears, then decided to create something so that moment didn’t happen again. A purple butterfly now identifies twins and families in this situation. Millie was quoted saying, “I chose butterflies, as I felt it was fitting to remember the babies that flew away”. For us, the purple butterfly has become a meaningful symbol to represent our baby who got to skip the caterpillar stage of Earth life.
May 23rd
- After being concerned all night and feeling out of control – that these doctors will do what they want, ignorant Heavenly power – Our Doctor came first thing in the morning, in tears, shared her inspiration, and lead us in prayer.
- Alicia was able to hold Julia’s body, a very special step in her bonding and healing process.
- The H.E.A.R.Tstrings photographer witnessed Hallie putting her arm immediately around Julia when they were brought together.
- The door was opened to a club (for lack of a better word) that was far larger than we had ever imagined. People everywhere began to share their stories of stillbirth and early infant loss, never to minimize our own pain, only to offer support and encouragement. Friends and coworkers shared their own NICU stories and helped us to see the NICU staff for the angels that they are.
- Hallie was miraculously the only baby in NICU on that first day. A very understanding staff accommodated our whole family (including 4 children not normally allowed to enter) to see Hallie and have photos with her.
May 25th
- We found a funeral home that would do the service at cost. Then Phil’s Aunt called and said she had just sent a check from her family for almost the exact same amount.
- Church members began bringing dinners to our home every night.
May 26th
- Phil’s boss (who was a chef in a previous life) shows up unexpected with a week worth of prepared meals.
June 2nd
- Today we were blessed with just amazing funeral services. We had handed off almost all of the preparations to others, and everything came together beautifully.
- In a family-only graveside service, we were blown away to hear our kids’ tender thoughts and testimonies as they laid flowers on Julia’s casket.
- We had a butterfly for everyone at the graveside service for a release to symbolize Julia. Many of them stayed close and played with our kids.
- Today was Hallie’s first try at a bottle. The nurses gave us 15 ml and explained to us that she probably wouldn’t take much. Hallie finished it. Shocked nurses prepared 10ml more, and she finished that too.
- The nurse practitioner caring for Hallie explained that she was also a 32-week twin whose sister did not live, and that her sister’s name was also Julia. She was able to answer our questions, explaining that she always knew of her twin as long as she can remember, and that while people always ask if she feels part of her missing, she responds that she feels whole.
June 9th
- Our dear friend and NICU nurse (who had been banned from caring for Hallie due to being too close to the family) was somehow assigned to Hallie tonight! After upsetting news this morning that Hallie was being held back another day because her temp was 0.2 degrees low, this came as an amazing relief. She even stayed late the next morning to meet the nurse practitioner and ensure all is well for Hallie to go home.
June 10th
- Hallie came home today, exceeding everyone’s expectations, just in time for her oldest brother and sister to see her a few days before they traveled out of state to spend half the summer with their dad.
Final Thoughts
This is not a comprehensive list. If we were to share every comment, letter, voicemail, gift, or kind act that came at just the right moment or made a difference for our family, the list would never end. Even those who felt uncomfortable or thought they said all the wrong things – their hearts were pure and we recognized their intent. We cannot ever do enough to thank those who served us. The best we can do is attempt to pay forward that love and kindness to others in their moments of suffering.
We hope that as you chose to focus on and record the positives in your journey, you too will see that God, as a perfect parent, caries His children through the things that are hard, even when we don’t fully understand His reasons.
Has our story helped you? Do you have feedback, or a story of your own to share? We’d love to hear from you!